Blog entry for:

that i HAVE survived every emotion i ever had, i can take a bit of solace in the truism, no one has ever died from an emotion, although many have died reacting to them. today, as i got on the scale at the office of my doctor for my annual Medicare Wellness check, my weight screamed at me at 194 lbs. it has been five years since i was in the one-nineties and it tells me that i have some work to do on my diet and caloric intake. BUMMER, although as i get closer to being able to run again, perhaps that will not be the case. i also forgot one of the three words that i had to repeat as a test of my memory status. not the best result, but perhaps i can let it roll off my back. the feelings, well i am not feeling the best over those results, but i do have the ability to make changes that i need to make myself feel good again about what those numbers on the scale say.
moving forward, i do have to look at what i do on a daily basis and wonder if i can move forward into running and hiking without issue, once again. i know that if i continue what i am doing, perhaps those numbers will return to where i desire and i will not be so obsessed with that number, that i forget the word “heaven.” sitting here, pounding out this exercise as i am listening in on my work meeting, i feel okay about how my life looks theses days, even as i start deciding what needs to be donated to VVA and what i am not ready to part with, yet. there is a bit of sadness about parting with my “things,” even though i am still not all that attached to those things. yes, it seems i am far more of a hoarder and a materialist, than i want to admit. i can get past what i really do not want to be and allow myself the FREEDOM to grow into what i may become. just for today. i will allow myself to feel whatever comes up the pike and not worry about the whys, wherefores or judgements, as i am quite certain that a feeling cannot harm me, permanently anyhow. 🤪

∞ DT ∞