Blog entry for:

solving a single problem seems possible, so i take mine, one at a time. as i sit on the bus this morning, waiting for my tunes to kick in, i see that most of the time, i get it while i can. yes, like sweet Loretta, i can get back to a place where all of the problems i face today, can be reduced to a manageable size. that is not to say that i walk in some sort of mystic fog, expecting everything to just work out, with little or no effort on my part. nor do i expect the POWER that fuels my recovery to be some sort of Santa Claus, giving me every desire i may have, just because i sincerely want it and humbl ask for it. not that there is anything wrong with living life in that sort of mode, for me it just does not work. do not misunderstand, i do have the FAITH, that IF i pay attention, i will be given everyting i NEED to solve the problems that i NEED to solve today. yes, even though i am loathe to admit it, i want what i want, and most days i want a smooth ride. in fact, that was part of the deal in active addiction, putting up with the chaos of getting and finding the ways and means, allowed me those moments of freedom from the problems that i faced every day. not that they ever went away, no matter how i tried to medicate them away, i just did not care and was more than happy to live like that PERIOD!
so listening to my heart, i am brought back to some of the members i saw last night and yes, even interacted with, at the meeting and afterwards in the meeeting after, held in the parking lot. what was it that i am hearing now, that i am pounding this out? well for one, that although i may have a problem or two, and i do, none of the problems i happen to face are irresolvable. will i have a job in 4 weeks? who knows, but it does mean i have to take action and work on what i have, sharpen my skills and get ready to look again? will i win the POWERBALL? as much as i would like to, probably not, BUT if i want to win it, i NEED to buy the ticket. yes, that is a bit of hyperbole, but i use it it to illustrate my point. anything i want, takes work of some sort. everything i want has it own set of consequnces, some pleasant and enjoyable, some, not so much. as i solve each of the problems i face today, i get what i NEED to move forward, IF i am present for what is going on in my life. i can and often do, let the relative mountain of my problems paralyze mw with FEAR. i can also let go and allow myself to deconstruct that mountain into chunks of living tyhat are a whole lot easier to deal with today. no job in 4 weeks, no problem, do the best i cn today, to give them the incentive to keep me past today.
as i head down US 36 towards Denver this morning, i do have a bit of gratitude that i am not driving, i have a paycheck coming, i have a home and people who love me, just the way i am, and the stack of problems i face today, can be popped off one at a time. theret can wait tehir turn, until it is time for me to deal with them, the problems that is and not those things that i am grateful for, today.

∞ DT ∞