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for this addict, is sometimes a tough place to live. yesterday, i was a scattered mess, as my post indicates. i could not maintain a cogent train of thought and was all over the place, mentally. this morning, as i **sat** i could see that part of the issue was me carrying a sh!t-ton of stuff from work and from some of my peers in recovery. getting a bit of breathing room, at least in my head, is a nice change of pace. this morning, as i get stuff done, i trip back to my 10th STEP last night and get a sense of whether or not i acted properly in a bigly example of being powerless. the sense i got last night was yes i did and yet this morning i am second guessing my decision-making process.
without providing any detail or context at all, i was party of a random event that really violated all sorts of my boundaries and most of them well-spoken and publicly defined. i decided that no response was better that what i was considering. this morning, i am more comfortable with that decision, and asking another person to take RESPONSIBILITY for their recovery, is not such a heinous ask. for me, my inventory last night boiled down to my relationships with those i share my recovery with, today. i have peers, i have acquaintances and i have friends. if one were to create a VENN diagram of how those various groups play out in my life, friends would be enclosed within acquaintances, which would be withing the group i label my peers. my responsibility to the members of each of those groups, differs in both intensity and immediacy. in this moment, i know that i am not responsible to “rescue” anyone, even if they are floundering. i can offer a hand, but they need to reach out and take it. expecting me to jump in and drag them to safety. way back when i was learning Water Safety, the paradigm was REACH ⇛ THROW ⇛ ROW ⇛ GO. odd how that old mnemonic comes to mind in this situation.
what am i going to do, today, in this moment? get my workout in, before it gets too much hotter. offer some time to meet up with my peer, in a very open and public space. wash winter off my garage floor. add a counter to one of the functions that runs on my website, and respond to what happens over the course of the next twelve or so hours. it is a good day to let go of what happened yesterday and stop worrying about tomorrow. in this moment, the world is as it is, violent, locked-down and the flames of discord being stoked by all sorts “less than considered” responses, to the events transpiring in the streets. i will accept what power i have and get out and about for my little tour of my local environs and see where i am when i get back home.

∞ DT ∞