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i will leave the problems of tomorrow, to tomorrow.
it certainly has been a week and as much as i dislike wishing my life away, and i do, i am glad it is Friday and the weekend is ahead of me. as i sit here and ponder the reading, i certainly want to live in the here and now, and yet, i also want to define some of the undefinable future, by making a plan or two and having an expectation of how they may come out.for the most part that is cool, stuff like driving to work and arriving by 8:00 AM, should be no problem. stuff like buying a few wizards at the cigar shop this afternoon, well not so much. that does not mean i will not trip past there, if time allows nor that does not mean i will walk in and look. what it means is that even if all of the above occurs, there may not be any in stock.
a simple plan, a simple expectation and yet, even the little stuff when it does not work out for me, turns in being problematic and frustrating. the big stuff? well that may throw me for a loop but most of the time i pretty much take that in stride. the niggling little petty problems are where i stumble and often fall.
the reading actually did not get me thinking about plans and expectations of outcomes, it was the quiet time that generated that thought bubble. the mirror of my sponsee, scraping together all of his self-worth and putting it into a single effort to affect his freedom, is certainly commendable. i feel like i am in a similar position, only i am working to hitch my wagon to my current contract and actually enjoy the benefits of full-time employment. when my friend can pick and choose when he goes to work, there is more than a twinge of jealousy. i can then take a minute and look at what he has and what i have. i have a nice house, internet, cable TV and a car that is paid off. i have some money in the bank and i GET the satisfaction of having something productive, that i enjoy, to do for 8 hours a day. i guess if i wanted what he has, i certainly could develop work habits like his. so when i look at it like that, i get that i really have nothing to be envious of, he gets what he gets and lives the way he lives, and i get what i get, because i live the way i do. my problems today are not a lack of the s desire to do the next right thing, nor are they, for the most part a consequence of ignoring the obvious. no myh problems are mild compared to what they looked like, way back when and i am grateful for the ability to walk through today and be present for muy life, tackle the problems that may arise and find a new way to live. which means it is time to get in the shower and head over to Boulder to n,make my living.

∞ DT ∞