Blog entry for:

well, if self-acceptance is a process set in motion by step work, i can understand perfectly what is going on with me lately. i am not doing any step work, although i do have a writing assignment on my current step and i am not accepting or tolerating who i am these past couple of weeks.
all of a sudden, i found myself being jealous, petty, and angry, and that in of itself is not necessarily bad. the problem is that i am not accepting of the fact that i have these feelings, after all i should be better than that by now! and the worst part is that when i feel these feelings, i feel less than since of course jealousy and anger are not exactly spiritual principles. then of course i want to act out, which i have been given the grace to recognize and the choice not to. and then the whole silly cycle starts again i am less than because i want to act out, and then my disease quietly informs me that this whole recovery gig is not working so i might as well use, after all there were no self-acceptance issues when i am numb.
well, i recognize the disease (addiction), the symptom (lack of self-acceptance) and i know the medicine -- STEP WORK. i guess i just have to realize that i am the type that needs to be constantly doing my step work and moving forward. surviving is not enough for me these days -- I WANT TO THRIVE. the only way for me to thrive is to what is in front of me and recover!
∞ DT ∞