Blog entry for:

to giving as the way out of my fear and self-centeredness. on a morning such as this one, that certainly feels like a herculean task. my phone rang twice after midnight with work calling me to correct a problem, even though i am NEVER on-call, then the dog got sick after eating her breakfast. when i finally got my act together and sat, i was already feeling the stress of shit far beyond my control and quite ready to rip into my boss and the support dude who somehow got my cell phone number. what i did instead, was to sit and listen for the void. according to my fitness tracker my stress levels dropped by 27 points and my body battery went up by 1. when i got up to meet my morning, i fed the dawg again and let go of the murderous rage i could feel towards someone who was just doing their job. as i sit here pounding out this ditty, i am prepared for whatever else this day may bring, as it has already had a less than auspicious start.
coming back around to the main point of my source material, i can certainly see that living in a generous manner, would not leave a whole lot of room for fear, self-centeredness or self-entitlement. i can also see that living in that manner would help me to see what is really important in my life and carrying an emotion for hours on end, instead of just acknowledging it and moving on, precludes me from being generous in any way, shape or form. it did take m,e more than a minute to go back to sleep this morning, as i kept ruminating about how this could possibly happen to me. my take-away is to let my boss, his boss and her boss say what they will about my lack of attention to this overblown distress call and see what happens. i do not need to rationalize or justify my lack of response, i just need to be okay with any sort of criticism that may come rolling down that hill. just for today, i can let go of what has happened and my fear of what may happen and live in the here and now, seeking to rep;lace FEAR with generosity.

∞ DT ∞