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in that design, i will find the shape of my own Higher Power. after a later than usual night and an earlier than usual morning, i am feeling pretty good about recovering from my hard drive disaster today. what could have been a life-changing moment and one that kept me up all night, is turning to be just a major inconvenience. of course, a computer malfunction could hardly be called “life-changing,” but i do love to dwell in a bit of hyperbole form time to time. i wonder if that could possible have a spiritual opposite? of course, it is all about honesty, i could be strictly boring and strictly honest and never exaggerate, or stretch something out of shape to make a point, but the real question is that who i really am?
the problem with considering that sort of stuff, is that, at least for me, it can become a slippery slope. i can see the progression now. first a bit of hyperbole, to get a laugh. hmm i got a laugh, maybe i can go to a little white lie, so i look a bit better. that worked as well, okay let me try a bald faced lie, to see if i can get away with something. before i know it, i am back in the same situation i was, before i got clean, using, picking up chips and sharing in the language i thought made me look like i was recovering.
that scenario, as far-fetched as it may seem, is what can happen to me, if allow myself to NOT distinguish between a bit of exaggeration and a lie, a bit of good-natured kidding around with my friends and flat-out character assassination or just having one every now and again. yes i see that, but i also see, that i can live a program and still have some fun and not be plain Jane boring. the trick here, at least for me, is to live an active program of recovery and to keep in mind that i do have a POWER that fuels my recovery, and that POWER will provide for my needs.
which of course brings me to the second part, the shape of my concept of a HIGHER POWER. to me, this is a very personal part of my recovery and i am grateful that others need not share my vision in order for this recovery gig to work. i have often written about my journey to this place and today, i am grateful that i am finally comfortable where i am. that does not mean that my concept needs to be explored further, no what it means is that how i see the POWER that fuels my recovery right here and right now, is more than sufficient for me to move forward with my life. which brings me to the end, as i want to get the failed computer back in place, so i can finish it up after work, this evening. it is a great day to be clean and i am grateful i do not have the disaster i thought i did.

∞ DT ∞