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without the use of drugs, i must practice an active program of recovery each day. one of the lies i tell myself, and i hear on most days, that people like do not get clean and stay clean for long periods of time, therefore i must not be an addict. regardless of the evidence of over twenty years in active addiction. regardless of the fact that i am a social retard. regardless of the fact, that i ended up having to work for my parents. regardless of the fact that i barely had a place to live and my life back then was smoke and mirror, keeping up appearances, so no one would know what was really going on with me. despite all of that evidence, the only argument i hear toady is that for nearly 5983 days in a row, i have not used so i must not be…
i need to digress to do a shout-out to a friend, right now:

Brenda E
23 years of “No Matter Whats!”
Congrats, my friend.

she has been doing this gig, and she hears the exact same lie, and yet, like me, she does not pick up. way back when, in those dark and dank days of early recovery, i looked forward to the day i could legally use again, well legally in the sense that it would not send me off to the Colorado Depart of Corrections. a funny thing happened on the way to that day, i got a taste of life without active addiction and i LIKED IT! that taste turned out to be just a sample, a free one at that, of the life i could have and today i am grateful that the recovery crack house gave me enough to hook me on this manner of living. i know one of the tritest clichés that some people spout off, is do not leave before the miracle happens. i always hated that saying, and i still do today, talk about the vaguest, most trite words in the recovery lexicon, but enough of going off about that. what that means to me, as i discovered, was not to walk away before i saw what i could become, if i was true to the principles of recovery and stayed clean. the so-called the “first one is free” effect. today, i forget, that all that i am, the dreams i have realized and the new ones that have been revealed to me, are a result of doing this gig, day after day. i was one of the lucky ones, as i was forced to sit down and shut-up, until my number was up, and while that was happening, well that is all history. forced abstinence and recovery, was the only thing that worked for this addict, it is perhaps why i have a soft place in my heart to carry the message, devoid of clichés and hyperbole, to the members and future members who are still suffering.
so as the roads are still a mess, and as part of this new deal, i have a job, i will have to sign-off saying, that today, my plan is to hit a meeting and maybe, well like, i will share as a preemptive strike, or not. recovery is way more valuable to me, than being a…

∞ DT ∞