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there was once a time when i believed that somehow i could stay abstinent for a long period of time without ever having to admit that i was an addict of any sort. i polished this idea until it bright and shiny through the last years of my active using and wore into the rooms like some sort of badge of honor. after all i was not at all like you people. sure i had issues whenever i tried to stop using, but they were the result of a lack of desire to quit using not because i could not! and yes i came intro the rooms devoid of any human emotion except rage and unable to form any relationships of any sort that did not have using and finding the ways and means to use as their basis, but wasn‘t everyone like that???
so when i finally got the first step after eighteen months in recovery and accepted in my heart that i was an addict and that i needed something more in my life if i wanted to have any hope at all i was stunned!
today as is the case on most days, i have no problem accepting that i am an addict and i have choices in front of me. i can choose to use, i can choose to be miserable, i can choose to whine and complain about my station in life or i can even (DRUM ROLL PLEASE) choose to work a program of recovery!

just fucking amazing!

and part of that choice to work my program is that i do need to be miserable today, recovery has not removed the ups and downs from my life, not by any means, but it does give me the tools to deal with those on a day to day basis. recovery has not made me rich, famous or better looking (DANG IT) but it has given acceptance that i am the best i can be today, and tomorrow i can be even more, if i choose to move forward in my program of recovery.
so what am i trying to get around to? recovery has given me the life of a recovering addict -- full of choices and decisions that i am able to make today (or not make if i choose to -- it gets a bit recursive if you think about it). but anyhow, i understand that i am just a plain jane, garden variety, recovering addict today and that is a gift worth cherishing and nourishing through the application of my program of recovery today!

∞ DT ∞