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once again it comes down to this.
last night i got a txt from a friend, and when i asked them if they were doing what they oughta, i got crickets. you know the sound. when you txt someone and get nothing back. there is no need for me to explain any further, as it rarely means things are going swimmingly but i have been wrong in the past, and certainly will be again in the future.
what does that have to do with “regular meeting attendance?” certainly not much, based on my history. i spent the greater part of the first seven months around the rooms, using when i could get away with it, whilst attending meetings on a daily basis, and doing group level service. so for me, the number of meetings i attend on a weekly basis is hardly a appropriate measure of my spiritual fitness or at least it was not back in the day.
today i go to meetings as a choice. i choose to go to meetings for a couple of reasons, first and foremost, because that is what i have always done, since i got clean, finally wo0rked a first step and became a member of the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living. i could and have gone a week or more without a meeting and i am still a me3meber of the No Matter What Club, but that does not mean that i have the desire to make that a habit. meeting attendance, even with all its attendant drama, trauma, hypocrisy, insanity, cliquishness and judementalness, is still something i intend to keep choosing to do, because after all, recovery is all about me. i go to meetings despite all the evils listed above, because it is where i connect with those who know me best. it is there where i get living examples of how to live a life of recovery and practice these principles in all my affairs. it is only there where my peers understand what goes on behind my eyes and can draw me out of the isolation that i am more than a little prone to.
yes meetings are far from perfect, and are filled with flawed human beings, BIG FVCKING DEAL! i am one of those flawed beings and it is only through living the program i have any HOPE of getting less flawed and closer to the person i have always wanted to be. anyhow the morning has escaped me, and what i need to do just got a bit bigger. it is a great day to be clean and yes i can roll with the punches and alter my plan of action, which BTW does include a meeting later today.

∞ DT ∞