๐ฌ living clean ๐ซ
Posted: Mon, Sep 6, 2021 08:40:19 AM
may not be the new and harrowing experience it once was for me, BUT, and yes it is a big one, for this addict, getting to meetings needs to become something i do on a regular basis. of course, my BIG excuse is the COVID pandemic and how my peers respond to the guidelines that are in place to stymie shutting down the world again. i can “blame” all of the above and walk away satisfied that i am doing the best i can, with what i got.
ah, here is the rub. as i sat this morning, what came up from the deep dark depths, was yet another jab at me abdicating my personal power and lying to myself by burying under a pile of “i am powerless” camouflage. if one looks at just the facts m'am, one would see that i am quite skilled about shoving what is mine into a place where i do not have to deal with it at all. that was a trick i learned a very long time ago and one that is handy to pull back out of my addict bag of tricks when something strikes far too close. in fact, my misinterpretation of the FIRST STEP, allows me to drop everything under that huge tent and pretend that i am okay with doing so, after all …
does that mean i will run out and find a meeting, any meeting, just to meet this mandate? not this addict, as i would rather drive fifty miles to attend a meeting of my fellowship than walk fifty yards to attend one of an other recovery fellowship, which provides yet another excuse for me to merrily trip myself away from doing the next right thing. what it just may mean, however, is that i seek out a ZOOM equivalent that meets at a time that allows me the freedom to attend and continue to show up at my home group on a very regular basis.
life in my skin is a bit stiff and painful this morning, even though yesterday's was only 3000 ft of vertical elevation gain over four miles. i also need to get off my butt and get some miles in, before the day gets far too warm for me to stand it. i also have a plan to create a stash of my hiking photos so my friend and hiking buddy can access the far too numerous ones i have taken. finding just one more thing to muse about, will not get me moving into my day, so on that note i will say, it is a good day to be clean and what may be, will be, whether or not i think i have any power over it or not.
ah, here is the rub. as i sat this morning, what came up from the deep dark depths, was yet another jab at me abdicating my personal power and lying to myself by burying under a pile of “i am powerless” camouflage. if one looks at just the facts m'am, one would see that i am quite skilled about shoving what is mine into a place where i do not have to deal with it at all. that was a trick i learned a very long time ago and one that is handy to pull back out of my addict bag of tricks when something strikes far too close. in fact, my misinterpretation of the FIRST STEP, allows me to drop everything under that huge tent and pretend that i am okay with doing so, after all …
does that mean i will run out and find a meeting, any meeting, just to meet this mandate? not this addict, as i would rather drive fifty miles to attend a meeting of my fellowship than walk fifty yards to attend one of an other recovery fellowship, which provides yet another excuse for me to merrily trip myself away from doing the next right thing. what it just may mean, however, is that i seek out a ZOOM equivalent that meets at a time that allows me the freedom to attend and continue to show up at my home group on a very regular basis.
life in my skin is a bit stiff and painful this morning, even though yesterday's was only 3000 ft of vertical elevation gain over four miles. i also need to get off my butt and get some miles in, before the day gets far too warm for me to stand it. i also have a plan to create a stash of my hiking photos so my friend and hiking buddy can access the far too numerous ones i have taken. finding just one more thing to muse about, will not get me moving into my day, so on that note i will say, it is a good day to be clean and what may be, will be, whether or not i think i have any power over it or not.
∞ DT ∞