Blog entry for:

with the God within me.
today, not so much. these sort of days happen and ironically the day i cannot still the treadmill of thoughts, is day i am **listening** for guidance about the direction i need to take. that is probably not entirely true, i have a strong sense of what i need to do today, and among those tasks is to admit to being an oafish slob, support my Dad in his never-ending saga and be supportive, courteous and responsive at work. all stuff i can do, am fairly certain i am willing to do and have just enough desire to do.
i could brag about how deep my meditation has been, of late, but to what end, meditation is not a competitive sport and on the scale of those who do sit, i probably am barely average. being average, in this realm is not a bad or “less than”status, as meditation does not come easily to me. anything beyond five minutes is a “win” for me, so this morning was not bad. my problem is that my definition of “quality” has been altered. where once my metric of meditation was based on length of time, now it is based on stillness. as my expectations of what happens when i “sit” changes, my definition of success and failure does as well. which goes to the heart of the reading this morning. through diligent practice, i am getting more than i ever dreamed possible out of meditation and like a “addict” i want more and more.
so what else can i say about persevering through times when i never though i would “get” it? well i am grateful that i kept at it and today as chaotic as my effort felt, i still walked away with a sense of peace of a bit more serenity especially dealing with those for whom i provide a service. i get that they have concerns and me being nasty, petulant and disrespectful, does very little to enhance that relationship. what i want and what i need always seem to be in conflict, so i am certainly grateful, that at least right here and right now, they feel the same. of course desire is always waiting to bea part of my day. so it is off to the races to see what i can accomplish

∞ DT ∞