Some memes

feel their feelings, as i learn to accept my own. so exactly what does **accepting** my feelings mean? well i could and just might go into an entire treatise about how important feelings have become to me, and how by swallowing them, i injure myself, the simple fact of the matter is just that feelings are feeling. they are transitory and often reactions to what may be going on inside or outside of me. i am powerless over the feelings i do have, and as i grow to identify and accept my feelings, i become more stable and far less likely to do something to “change the way i feel.” what i hear from my peers, is their desire to “manage” their feelings, and although i have an opinion about how well that is working for them, i can say from my experience, the last time i successfully managed my feelings was the last time i got high. no amount of spending, skirt-chasing, over-eating or any number of unsavory streaming experiences form the Inter-Webs, really allowed me to “manage” my feelings the way getting high did, and yet i persisted in trying everything but accepting my feelings, just as they are.
as i worked through the steps, it becomes more and more obvious to me, that one part of my life that will always remain unmanageable, is what i feel. what i have been hearing about this as i sit and ponder how powerless i am, is that being powerless over what i feel, is something i can surrender to, without losing who i am, in the avalanche of feelings that might release.it is my FEAR that makes me want to manage my feelings and not anything really worth heeding, as i have yet to die from a feeling. so accepting what is, is becoming my new normal and through that acceptance i find a path to emotional balance, no matter how i choose to define that elusive state.
moving along to the second train of thought. the irony here is that on the days that the reading seems to speak of meditation as part of the solution, are the very days, i find, i cannot “sit.” yes, i have a lot to do this morning and sitting just felt like a time sink, even though i KNOW the benefits i get from that activity. once again, acceptance is the key here, knowing what is good for me, and forcing myself to do it, does not often bring the results i desire. just for today, i will accept that what i got, was a s good as it gets, in the here and now, and move along, after all there is really nothing to see here.

∞ DT ∞