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Thu, Nov 17, 2005 05:27:23 AM


α no matter what! ω
posted: Thu, Nov 17, 2005 05:27:23 AM

 

my commitment is to do those things that have kept me clean up until now. i know that i will have feelings, in fact i am having one right now. i also know that whatever the feeling it will pass. i would love to have peaceful and pleasant feelings last forever, and the destructive and painful feelings last microseconds but i am not in charge of my feelings anymore.
when i am in the active phase of my addiction, i do whatever i can to either prolong what i am feeling or change it. when i was using, that came down to looking in my pharmacopoeia for that specific substance that would have the desired effect. today i look into my bag of behaviors and see which one will do the trick. either way i am caving into my disease and doing exactly what it tells me to do.
the reading this morning spoke to me on a different level. what i heard was that my recovery needs to be cherished and nourished, no matter what i happen to be feeling in this moment, this day, this week, this month or even this year. i am powerless over what i feel, i do however have power over how i respond to my feelings. i have been given choices today and am not some automaton that is hard-wired to react to certain stimuli.
the big caveat is that i have not always had choices, my disease tells me in its insidious ways that i can fix myself and change the way i feel. my program of recovery counters those whispers by gently reminding me that all feelings pass of their own accord, as long as i keep practicing the spiritual principles i have been taught. and do those things that keep connected to others in the program, you know, go to meetings, work the steps, talk to another recovering addict, maintain my connection to the divine and DO NOT USE -- NO MATTER WHAT! simply put, the only way i will maintain my freedom to choose!
∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

it will pass 144 words ➥ Wednesday, November 17, 2004 by: donnot
∞ no matter how i feel today, i will go on with my recovery ∞ 380 words ➥ Friday, November 17, 2006 by: donnot
∞ it hurts like never before. i talk to God, and still do not feel any better. ∞ 397 words ➥ Saturday, November 17, 2007 by: donnot
μ it hurts like never before. but i do not relapse. μ 394 words ➥ Monday, November 17, 2008 by: donnot
∫ my insides feel as though they have been torched. just when the pain becomes unbearable ∫ 399 words ➥ Tuesday, November 17, 2009 by: donnot
" i never have to use again, no matter how i feel " 388 words ➥ Wednesday, November 17, 2010 by: donnot
∧ this too, shall pass ∧ 496 words ➥ Thursday, November 17, 2011 by: donnot
¡ no matter how i feel today , 601 words ➥ Saturday, November 17, 2012 by: donnot
— i never have to use again, no matter how i feel. — 580 words ➥ Sunday, November 17, 2013 by: donnot
♥ walking through the pain ♥ 499 words ➥ Monday, November 17, 2014 by: donnot
± all feelings ± 541 words ➥ Tuesday, November 17, 2015 by: donnot
⤤ knowing that ⤦ 480 words ➥ Thursday, November 17, 2016 by: donnot
⇄ getting through ⇆ 648 words ➥ Friday, November 17, 2017 by: donnot
🌩 remembering that 🌥 387 words ➥ Saturday, November 17, 2018 by: donnot
🌤 another day clean 🌥 329 words ➥ Sunday, November 17, 2019 by: donnot
🌬 it will pass, 🌞 437 words ➥ Tuesday, November 17, 2020 by: donnot
😨 no matter 🤢 524 words ➥ Wednesday, November 17, 2021 by: donnot
🥺 wishing i 🧞 512 words ➥ Thursday, November 17, 2022 by: donnot
🌄 affirming 🌄 468 words ➥ Friday, November 17, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

3) There are also three in every ten whose aim is to live, but whose
movements tend to the land (or place) of death. And for what reason?
Because of their excessive endeavours to perpetuate life.