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alright, the whole scorched earth scenario that the reading puts forth, is a bit over the top. the point is, that no matter what i feel, or better put how intensely i feel something, i do not need to use, i can as the saying goes remain a member of the “no matter what” club.
so as i walk forward into ELEVENTH STEP, i can be assured that the isolation and how different i feel, will pass. i get that because i have the FREEDOM to choose my spiritual path, that it more than likely will not align with the majority of my peers, especially since the WESTERN version stopped working for me a very long time ago. sharing about my angst last night at the meeting certainly helped, and this morning i am certain that although my beliefs are diverging more and more from the main stream of my fellowship, i will be okay, in fact better than okay. once upon a time, i had to be part of the crowd in this respect, today, well today, while i still have the desire to fit in and look good, i see that will in the long run kill me, or at least, to be less dramatic, make my life miserable. i have enough issues doing this active recovery gig as it is.
where exactly does that leave me? although my peers will continue down their spiritual paths, i cannot and will not abandon mine to be one of the “kool kidz.” i will learn how to speak about my spiritual path using the commonality of the language of the fellowship, while not making any misrepresentations of what i am coming to see as my path. ironically, for the first time ever, i actually have a sponsee, who falls out of the Western traditions and smack dab into my view of life beyond the mundane. he is far too serious these days, but this too shall pass. it is ironic, because up until i started to work with him, all the other guys i worked with, were firmly rooted in the religious tradition that is our legacy. as i make the transition from TEN to ELEVEN, i will get to explore much deeper the path that has seemed to choose me. yes prayer, such as it is may change, in fact that is the last vestige of the Western view that i have retained. it seems a bit absurd now, but like most human beings, i am and can be a victim of functional fixity, doing what i do because, jut because i have always done it that way. so the text to the sponse has been submitted, this blog has been written and about to be committed. most importantly i am okay with examining my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery and seeing what i NEED o change to continue my growth.

∞ DT ∞