Blog entry for:

my STEP-THREE surrender, by allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to work in my life. i know how trite and facile that may sound, but often, at least in my experience the simplest of actions are reflected in slogans, bon mots and clichés.that does not mean i feel comfortable expressing my life in recovery with a series of bumper stickers, when the opportunity arises to cut through my bullshit and provide a simple and yes elegant answer, those little catch phrases, are sometime just the ticket. that being said, this morning as i pedaled my ass off on the upright bike, i wondered if i did not work up a sweat, was i really working out? that may seem as if it is a non-sequitur, but give ma a bit of a break here. what brought that thought up, was there seem to be several people at the rec center, day in and day out who never sweat, just as there are peers in recovery who never seem to stress about anything. me, i want to feel the burn when i am at the rec center and i push myself to feel the presence of some sort of POWER that can guide me in life and my recovery. what i have here, is a plain and simple case of judging myself based on the outside appearances of others. that is a battle i will ALWAYS lose and in the end, if i allow it to, that behavior can drag me down into a cycle of shame.
as i sweated my ass off this morning and judged the living shit out of those i saw, i finally realized that i have a goal that i am working towards and for me, getting my pulse rate above 120 beats per minute and maintaining that for thirty minutes or longer, will help me reach my goals, short term and long term. i am clueless as to why anyone else is in the gym at six-thirty in the morning and it really is none of my fVcking bidness. i have to assume that they too, have fitness goals they are working towards and a different level of fitness than i have. they, like me, are doing the best they can with what they got and where they may be happen to be going.
speaking of that, it is time to say adios, get the dawg out for her morning walk and get back to completing the project i have on my desk. all of that is possible and at the end of this day, i hope to be able to say that i, too, did the best i could with what i have, just for today.

∞ DT ∞