๐ i find that ๐
Posted: Sat, Mar 22, 2025 02:28:14 PM
i can be happy in my own skin if i am willing to let go, allowing myself to experience my freedom. after a few hours of walking through my real life, i find the term freedom to be a bit vague and possibly a bit disingenuous. reaching this point in my thought process, i need to look at what i am feeling and what i have experienced in this day so far, to determine where my HOPE fled to and why i am feeling a bit out of sorts about what freedom may or may not mean to me, right here and right now.
i am free from active addiction and for the most part to be the person i never thought i had the ability to be. i am also freed to express my opinion to my friends and peers without the fear of retribution. although the current administration seems to be attempting to limit my freedom and my rights, i am still on the outside looking in, as jack-booted thugs have yet to arrive at my door. the fear of their imminent arrival does not seem rational in this moment, but as time progresses and those cult of personality members feel more empowered, that may change.
coming closer to home, the freedom i felt this morning, as i sat and listened to the void, is still there, it has just been buried under an avalanche of the feelings my peers expressed in my home group this morning. i am certainly free to be as insane as i want to be, but the SECOND STEP, i have yet to write on, is working me over, with extreme prejudice. as i stop and pause and look at the HOPE portion of my SECOND STEP, i know that my insanity is totally voluntary, right here and right now. i have the tools to release myself from the grip of the least healthy part of myself and embrace a process that can restore me to the ways and means to put everything back into perspective. my identity no longer needs to be tied to being an addict. there is no shame in being clean, nor in being an addict, unless i pile it on myself.
i may not feel “happy” in my own skin today, but i can feel content that i made choices today to foster my growth in recovery. i did not use, i do not have the desire to use and i am willing to do what it takes to get through this day clean, a bit more sane and a little less fearful of the unknowable future, just for today.
i am free from active addiction and for the most part to be the person i never thought i had the ability to be. i am also freed to express my opinion to my friends and peers without the fear of retribution. although the current administration seems to be attempting to limit my freedom and my rights, i am still on the outside looking in, as jack-booted thugs have yet to arrive at my door. the fear of their imminent arrival does not seem rational in this moment, but as time progresses and those cult of personality members feel more empowered, that may change.
coming closer to home, the freedom i felt this morning, as i sat and listened to the void, is still there, it has just been buried under an avalanche of the feelings my peers expressed in my home group this morning. i am certainly free to be as insane as i want to be, but the SECOND STEP, i have yet to write on, is working me over, with extreme prejudice. as i stop and pause and look at the HOPE portion of my SECOND STEP, i know that my insanity is totally voluntary, right here and right now. i have the tools to release myself from the grip of the least healthy part of myself and embrace a process that can restore me to the ways and means to put everything back into perspective. my identity no longer needs to be tied to being an addict. there is no shame in being clean, nor in being an addict, unless i pile it on myself.
i may not feel “happy” in my own skin today, but i can feel content that i made choices today to foster my growth in recovery. i did not use, i do not have the desire to use and i am willing to do what it takes to get through this day clean, a bit more sane and a little less fearful of the unknowable future, just for today.
∞ DT ∞