Blog entry for:

my own program and leaving my friends and family members in care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is certainly an excellent topic for this weekend. i will spending time tomorrow having **fun** in the dysfunction.
usually i do not get the opportunity to hammer this out before i roll off to my home group. getting a few minutes before trotting off to take care of all that needs to be taken care of today feels like a blessing to me, and i will go with that. it is not my family members who popped into mind this morning, it was the person i have been fuming about, lamenting over and generally trying to figure out how to get them to actually embrace recovery. i know about reluctance and i know about making others do all the recovery work and hope that their efforts will somehow sprinkle “magic pixie dust” over my life and i will get what they have gotten over the course of working their programs. having had the experience and seeing how my peers, left me to stew in my own juices once it became evident to them that i might be willing but was putting forth no action to foster my recovery,. i know that the letter i sent may trigger all sorts of feelings: good, bad and indifferent. what i cannot predict is how my peer will respond to all of that. right now, in the here and now, however they respond will be better than where they have been lately. i know when i was confronted with the fact that it was all an act, i got defensive, and withdrew from the fellowship in a petulant frenzy, choosing to find my recovery in meetings farther away than the five minute drive from my house.
this morning i see parallels in my life as i have not spoken to my sponsor in months and i certainly have yet to pick up the pen and write on my step. as i feel my way to the next right thing today, i am certain about two things. the first being that just for today, no matter what, i will not use anything. the second being that IF i back that decision up with the action of living a program of active recovery, i will be able to accomplish it. as i was left alone to find my own path to recovery, i can allow others the same freedom. although the program is the same for all of us, as my path indicates, arriving there is different between each of my peers.

∞ DT ∞