Blog entry for:

reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, OH MY! i can say that this addict certainly NEEDED this reading today, to remind himself that the person to whom he rented all that space in his head to last night, really does not want to move on with their life. as long as i am enabling them to do nothing but eat, sleep and obsess about what is on their phone, they will continue to do just that. i can be as angry and as resentful as i want to be about going to work and them sucking the resources out of our household, or i can let it go and have a conversation about it later. of course, i could play their game, now that i know for certain what they are doing and i did make a huge passive-aggressive move last night, that allowed me the FREEDOM to stop paying the rent.
this morning, as i sat, i see my part in this whole affair is that i set boundaries that were agreed upon and i have allowed them to be violated. i am, the “bad” guy here, because i see what is going on and cannot be manipulated, but i still allow it to happen, which was the nature of what i was spinning around about as i attempted to fall asleep last night. to be true to myself, i need to stand up for myself and that is going to take a bit of effort on my part. i see this whole thing as an object lesson about how this addict lived in active addiction. i took and took and took from all those in my life, draining them of everything i wanted and then moved on to my next set of victims. i remember a story a peer told me and although i could intellectually i had no issue with it, it was not until right now where the words: “see how it feels,” ring so freaking true.
the pity card has been played and is no longer valid. the lack of ability because of this or that, has can also be dismissed, now is the time for an unpleasant conversation, which i really dread. for now, however, i NEED to remember what and who i am dealing with and an addict dealing with an abstinent addict in active addiction, is not a recipe for serenity. so i will go shower and shave and make my commute down to the office and allow the events of today to unfold as they will. i am going to take the space i need to breathe and get the distance that has been so far lacking in my day to day existence, just for today.

∞ DT ∞