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keeps me teachable. i have to say, i was far from open-minded when i got clean and it took a very long minute to actually come to believe that there was all sorts of shit i had yet to learn. one of the rudest awakenings i had was when i finally figured out that what i thought i knew was limited and the opinions and attitudes based on the corpus of that “knowledge” were to say the least more than a bit suspect. i am certainly grateful today, that no one tossed me to the curb, before i pulled my head out of my ass.
this morning, as i sat, i kept coming back to the manner in which i handled my frustration yesterday afternoon as i cleaned up after my Mom and got her bank accounts straightened out and into my control. at every step of the way, i was missing something and there were certainly more than a few times when i wanted to smoke that $10 cigarette. that desire passed, because i have the tools to deal with obsession, but i was certainly on a mission yesterday, which bordered on obsessive and i was less than kind, more than once on that journey. needless to say, i did not scream, yell or insult any of those who put up the obstacles i was forced to navigate, although i did have to own being “short” and a bit abusive to those who were just doing their job. today' mission is to start an inventory of Mom's jewelry and find someone to appraise it at a very fair price. i am making a commitment to myself that if i find myself up against the frustration wall again today, to walk away, maybe take a nap, and allow myself the opportunity to let those feelings pass through me, without having to attempt to change them.
it is time now, however to get ready to roll across some ice-packed roads to get to my home group. this feels like the third Saturday in a row that i have had to brave slick streets, and perhaps it is. getting to the meeting, is important to me, as i certainly need a dip in the pool of experience my peers bring to each and every meeting. it is a great day to be clean and yes, i can open my mind to the notion that there is at least one thing i need to learn today. after all, being alive and awake is a gift that i choose not to squander, just for today.

∞ DT ∞