โ i did not stop until i wanted to stop โ
Posted: Fri, Feb 17, 2006 05:51:18 AM
and still do not to this day! although i have stopped using and it has been a bit of time since i last used, there are still manifestations of the disease in my life. those little irritating behaviors, well irritating to me anyhow, that is just another symptom of how well i am not (glass half empty).
but that is all digression, what the reading said to me today is all i can offer the still suffering addict is my Experience, Strength and Hope. they do not want to hear what my life is like and what their life may be like if they get clean. what they need to hear is that i love them and what i need to show them is how i am living day-to-day. i mean rally, how attracted would i be to the path of recovery, if someone close said they were clean and then kept acting like a some kind of crazed psycho killer, all the while telling me how my life will change if only i would do what they do! NOT VERY, in fact i would run away, and use even more!
the real ironic part of this seemingly random train of thoughts is that all of a sudden i realize that this also applies to those in recovery. my sponsees, my friends, and my peers will continue to act-out on their particular brand of insanity until the pain of doing so, makes them choose to seek a different manner of living. i can trick them, beg them, cajole them, berate them and even order them to change, but like the still using addict, i am actually powerless over their disease in all its manifestations, so my course of action is to let go and offer quiet suggestions if they are ready to hear them, NO MORE, NO LESS.
so anyway it is off to the stressful thirty-six hours of packing, moving and learning how to live with another person, but that is a topic for another day.
BTW to my friend Sheila who always complains that all she can see is the half-empty glass, remember that at least there is some water in it and the amount is actually pretty irrelevant. :)
but that is all digression, what the reading said to me today is all i can offer the still suffering addict is my Experience, Strength and Hope. they do not want to hear what my life is like and what their life may be like if they get clean. what they need to hear is that i love them and what i need to show them is how i am living day-to-day. i mean rally, how attracted would i be to the path of recovery, if someone close said they were clean and then kept acting like a some kind of crazed psycho killer, all the while telling me how my life will change if only i would do what they do! NOT VERY, in fact i would run away, and use even more!
the real ironic part of this seemingly random train of thoughts is that all of a sudden i realize that this also applies to those in recovery. my sponsees, my friends, and my peers will continue to act-out on their particular brand of insanity until the pain of doing so, makes them choose to seek a different manner of living. i can trick them, beg them, cajole them, berate them and even order them to change, but like the still using addict, i am actually powerless over their disease in all its manifestations, so my course of action is to let go and offer quiet suggestions if they are ready to hear them, NO MORE, NO LESS.
so anyway it is off to the stressful thirty-six hours of packing, moving and learning how to live with another person, but that is a topic for another day.
BTW to my friend Sheila who always complains that all she can see is the half-empty glass, remember that at least there is some water in it and the amount is actually pretty irrelevant. :)
∞ DT ∞