Blog entry for:

actions, and consequences are a fact of life. even when i did my best not to make any decisions, as the Rush songs states, i still had made a choice. as hard as i tried to shift blame from the self-destructive decisions that i did make, the fact was and still is, it is my responsibility to own my shit. some days, it sucks that i can no longer say that i was “really high at the time;” “there is a step for that and i am not on it;” or “at least i did not use.”
this morning, as i ease my way into the real world, i have had the opportunity to be responsible for my fitness, do my laundry, take care of baked item for my spouse, and spend some time with one of the men who calls me their sponsor. i also get the opportunity to shout out to a couple of my peers:

Jack W.
Congrats on THIRTEEN (13) years clean!
welcome to 'teenage-hood' recovery-wise, anyhow.

Joel K,
Congrats on SIX (6) years clean!
i am so glad we had the chance to spend some time together.
Miss you my friend.

it is not every day, that i get to celebrate the fact that two of my closest friends and even in plague times, i really enjoy the fact that recovery can go on.
learning to trust my decision-making provinces, did not come easy. the message i thought i heard from my peers in the rooms was that my first thought was ALWAYS wrong, even after some time clean. what my sponse had to remind me of, is that as i stayed clean and learned to live a program of recovery, that process was more aligned with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. that does not mean i do not make bad decisions, i still do. that does not mean i do not makes decisions out of selfish self-interest, that has yet to be the case. what that means is that more times than not, i make a decisions based in spiritual principles and own the consequences, even when they are painful or unpleasant. the absence of less than stellar consequences is not an indication of a “good” decision, it simply is just one more of the hundreds of decisions this addict makes on a daily basis. some are trivial, some are monumental, but the one thread that links those extremes and all the decisions in between, is that i made them and take responsibility for doing so, just for today.

∞ DT ∞