α i came to see decision-making as a rigged game, one i should play as little as possible Ω
Posted: Wed, Aug 23, 2006 06:02:57 AM
alrighty then, this is my third shot at getting this blog rolling. for some reason i am reluctant to open my mind and let my muse explore the topic of decision-making today. one more diversion first
-- be right back--
and now after yet another diversion let us see where i go. after all i have made a decision to write this blog right here and right now.
so anyways, the way i helped to improve the odds of liking the consequences of decision-making was to make as few as possible. that way i could shift the blame for the results to someone or something else, and bitch and moan about how unfair life was and how terrible things really were, and why was i such an unlucky bastard, nothing ever worked out to my benefit. then of course i would dive into what ever substance or behavior i could find to assuage my delicate broken feelings.
and even after a few days without using, i like to slip back into this method of decision-making, that is the decision to allow the world around me to make decisions for me! and the end sum may not be a dive into pile of some kind of substance but rather a quick trip to the nearest electronics store for a shiny new piece of technical wizardry or something even bigger.
more than a bit insane, would you not say? here i am practicing a behavior that did not serve me very well in active addiction, getting the exact same results, and feeding my disappointment with a using behavior! what has changed?
well, i know what some in the rooms would say, "at least you did not get high!"
and that is truly a good thing.
however if i want to get more from life, i need to practice the spiritual principle of responsibility and make decisions for myself and ask for the strength to do what it takes to allow the outcome to be what it will be. not something i am very good at, but something i am willing to do today, at least right now. we will see what happens after i hit the real world, after all it is a piece of cake for me to be all spiritual and willing while sitting in my pajamas in front of my computer before i have even really woken up!
-- be right back--
and now after yet another diversion let us see where i go. after all i have made a decision to write this blog right here and right now.
so anyways, the way i helped to improve the odds of liking the consequences of decision-making was to make as few as possible. that way i could shift the blame for the results to someone or something else, and bitch and moan about how unfair life was and how terrible things really were, and why was i such an unlucky bastard, nothing ever worked out to my benefit. then of course i would dive into what ever substance or behavior i could find to assuage my delicate broken feelings.
and even after a few days without using, i like to slip back into this method of decision-making, that is the decision to allow the world around me to make decisions for me! and the end sum may not be a dive into pile of some kind of substance but rather a quick trip to the nearest electronics store for a shiny new piece of technical wizardry or something even bigger.
more than a bit insane, would you not say? here i am practicing a behavior that did not serve me very well in active addiction, getting the exact same results, and feeding my disappointment with a using behavior! what has changed?
well, i know what some in the rooms would say, "at least you did not get high!"
and that is truly a good thing.
however if i want to get more from life, i need to practice the spiritual principle of responsibility and make decisions for myself and ask for the strength to do what it takes to allow the outcome to be what it will be. not something i am very good at, but something i am willing to do today, at least right now. we will see what happens after i hit the real world, after all it is a piece of cake for me to be all spiritual and willing while sitting in my pajamas in front of my computer before i have even really woken up!
∞ DT ∞