Blog entry for:

yes, when it came to making decisions, i was not very capable and did my best to avoid doing so. my train of thought was something along the lines of **if i allow circumstances and others to dictate the direction of my life, then if i do find the consequences to be desirable, it is all their fault.** being blameless was more important to me, than being responsible and my life coasted along for decades on this minimalist decision-making paradigm. of course that came to a screeching halt when my body betrayed me and i was pitched into the rooms of recovery by a set of circumstances and by the decisions someone else made for me, that were far from my liking. as undesirable as that “felt” way back when, today i am grateful that i finally stumbled my way into taking responsibility for my life.

Joel K,
Congrats on FIVE (5) years clean.
I wish i was there to give your clean time token, in person.
Miss you my friend and chase your path to its fitting outcome.

Jack W
A “Dirty Dozen” (12) of years clean!
Congrats my friend and be well, i still need you in my recovery.

okay, the sad story of my life at the very end, has been told and retold so many times, i hardly need to go down that path. recovery has taught me to take responsibility for my life and actually take an active part in it, by making and owning the decisions i make on a daily basis. 😭 😭 😭 yes it sucks having to own up to the fact that i can be scammed, not once but twice by two different sets of thieves. driven by the greed of seemingly getting something for nothing, is still haunting me today and i often spin down into the path of examining and re-examining my actions and those consequences of that whole sad affair. yes i am smarter today, and all of a sudden the scammers have realized i am on to them, as the last one to call me, never called me back or sent their “scammy” offer. that chapter of my life may be over, but i have at least another year of dealing with the repercussions of my blind allegiance to the DESIRE for more.
the decision i make today, may not be any better, and the consequences of acting on those decisions may not be less dire, but at least they are my decisions and i can accept them for what they are, good, bad or indifferent. as i walk out to greet the real world, i am grateful that just for today, i have a path to making better decisions and the clarity of mind to see and accept the possible consequences of acting on those decisions. it is a good day to be on the path of active recovery and recognize the progress i am making.

∞ DT ∞