I have been clean for:
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🤐 miserable existence 🤯

Posted: Sat, Nov 14, 2020 11:13:17 AM

it is no secret, at least to those who peek at this little ditty on any regular basis, that the seed i used for is an apt statement of my life since the 15th of October. even today i am doing work for a very unhappy client and it looks like i might actually get a reprieve, possibly as early as Monday. i told my boss's boss what i was feeling and what extreme measures i was willing to take to get out of the place i am in. it is true that i might have found a different way of expressing myself, but after my emotional dump and truth-telling, he has a much better understanding of where i am and may actually implement a plan to ameliorate the need for me to be in front of my computer for sixteen hours a day.the result for me, was that for the first night in weeks, i slept deeply and soundly for over eight hours and when i got up from my 11TH STEP this morning, i was actually feeling a tad bit of HOPE. oh yeah, i fired a shot across the bow of one of the most disrespectful coworkers and threw him and his team under the bus, big time. i wonder how it feels for him to have the shoe on the other foot now. that e-mail got no response form him, but my boss's boss was on the chain and chimed in, asking what needed to be done.
today, as sad as it may seem, i am going to do a bit of development work, to polish up my skills, in case i get another job opportunity, as this my current position no longer brings anything but doom and gloom to my already less than cheery disposition. right here and right now, i see myself on the crux of a new chapter in my life and the tiny little bump in any direction may start a process that changes things so much that i no longer recognize who and where i am. today i can see a bit brighter future as the frustration and angst i have been feeling has been released. i also am in the new opportunity pipeline. as i reminded one of the men i sponsor, i can give those bastards as much power as i choose to do so, after all they do not feel, what i am feeling, at least about how my life “feels” today. yes the circumstances of my life, at least lately, sucks. i may not get on a rosy, posy high horse and say that i am “okay” with those elements of my daily life are just wonderful and append on a quick: “at least i did not use,” just to drive home a point.
so the readings and announcements are done at my home group, i got my 250 steps for this hour, have completed my task for work, so i guess it is time to put this baby to bed and pay attention. oh yeah, it is a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞


Another Look

This day in older entries

🔍 i have come 🔎
517 words ➥ Friday, November 14, 2025 by donnot
🕳 as i clean up 🕴
452 words ➥ Thursday, November 14, 2024 by donnot
😎 living a 🦄
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🤡 a second chance 🤩
562 words ➥ Monday, November 14, 2022 by donnot
🕺 more living 💃
431 words ➥ Sunday, November 14, 2021 by donnot
🕭 little hope 🕯
597 words ➥ Thursday, November 14, 2019 by donnot
🏚 an exercise in survival 🏯
609 words ➥ Wednesday, November 14, 2018 by donnot
🌛 coming to understand 🌜
606 words ➥ Tuesday, November 14, 2017 by donnot
⦬ today it is ⦭
694 words ➥ Monday, November 14, 2016 by donnot
¢ not just surviving ¢
496 words ➥ Saturday, November 14, 2015 by donnot
≈ if i had died in active addiction, ≈
392 words ➥ Friday, November 14, 2014 by donnot
¡ **i would be better off dead!** ¿
525 words ➥ Thursday, November 14, 2013 by donnot
× the resurrection, which is the process of recovery, ×
568 words ➥ Wednesday, November 14, 2012 by donnot
↑ i am grateful to be alive ↑
604 words ➥ Monday, November 14, 2011 by donnot
♦ when i was using, my life became an exercise in survival ♦
592 words ➥ Sunday, November 14, 2010 by donnot
α in my active addiction, my hold on life was tenuous at best. α
669 words ➥ Friday, November 14, 2008 by donnot
α the more experience i gain in living, rather than merely existing, α
531 words ➥ Tuesday, November 14, 2006 by donnot
α celebrating life!??? ω
425 words ➥ Monday, November 14, 2005 by donnot

Tao Te Ching

☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

The Tao Teh King, or The Tao and Its Characteristics
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

2) Though they had boats and carriages, they should have no occasion
to ride in them; though they had buff coats and sharp weapons, they
should have no occasion to don or use them.