Blog entry for:

will NOT come to an end just because i have uncomfortable feelings, BUT i may grow a bit stronger and my FAITH may just increase, that much more. one of my pet peeves in the rooms, is when my peers complain about feeling **uncomfortable** or **triggered** by something that is shared. i get that they may walk through life in a state of being uncomfortable. HELL, that is my state of being for a bit of time, just about every single day. life in the real world is messy and for me, when it gets “tidy” i wonder what it is i may be missing. that is not to say i walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop, it just means that when things are going well, i need to look around to make sure i have not tripped into a state of denial.
all of that aside, as it was not what i “heard” this morning, what popped off the stack is my less than stellar reaction to my Mom and Dad, when i am at their house, doing for them, what they cannot do for themselves. i really hate being told what to do, and when both of them are demanding my attention at the very same time, or interrupting what i am doing, i get short with them. it was bad when my Dad was in rehab, and i have become even more irritable now that he is home. i am in the process of building up a justification for saying fVck it and letting them flounder, until they are willing to pay for a care provider. i know that is not the spiritual path. i also know that is not what i really want to do. what i think i need to do, is to set a boundary or two and figure out how to enforce them. before i go there, however, i need to check my feelings and see what the true nature of my “frustration” may be. so taking a breath and posting this little ditty is my first step to being a bit more whole and genuine in this matter. letting go of my expectations about how well they can care for themselves, will be the next and listening for the next right thing to do, while “sitting on my hands” is the course of action i will implement today. it is a good day to be clean and i can be present for them and their needs, just for today.

∞ DT ∞