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that first line, of the reading this morning about how many of us regret our past really got me thinking. after all, i have been through the twelve step shuffle a couple of times now, and am considering embarking on the middle portion yet again -- you know steps four through nine -- but that is a topic for another day. it is those steps that gave me the freedom from my past. do not get me wrong, there is nothing in the program that has told me to FORGET MY PAST! forgetting the past was part of my using life when i was provided the chemical means to drown the memory of my past, the horrors of what i inflicted on the world, the pain i felt as i progressed through my daily travails, and what values i had to violate to achieve that momentary release in chemical bliss! no it seems to me that recovery is about remembering our past, dealing with what i did, and moving into each day with a clean slate!
so whether i choose to take on the pain of my past or not, somewhere, somehow, someone decided that my past was one of the most valuable tools i had to combat the disease of addiction in others. and i do not disagree! after all, it was one line in a meeting many days ago, that a recovering addict said, that gave me the hope that i too could learn a new way to live without the daily consumption of chemical substances.
and it is my memory of those feelings and behaviors that provides an impetus for me to choose not to use today. if i forgot who and what i was before coming to recovery, it would not be long before i was that man again! and you know what? i like the man i have become and am willing to do what it takes to continue that growth process today!
so whether i use my past as a tool of recovery for me, or share it with another, so perhaps they too can achieve a life without the obsession to use, it is a priceless gift, and one to use as needed, on a daily basis!

∞ DT ∞