Some memes

i can give a special form of comfort that no one else could provide -- my own experience. this is a reading that is especially poignant for me this morning. why, i do not know, i just know that for some reason it resonating in me since i first read it, an hour or so ago. as i have walked this path, i have come to look at my past in quite a different light. where i once felt shame and regret, i now feel tolerance and acceptance. i really cannot find any pride in my past, well at least my past while in active addiction. i do understand what is what and that each and every experience that makes up the volume of my past, makes me the person i have become today. yes, i had to suffer every minute of being a victim of addiction in order to discover the path of recovery. more than that, all that suffering was necessary so that i could accept that one i was an addict and two that i had a choice to fight, flee or recover. only the latter became acceptable in the long run.
so why am i so obsessed with this topic this morning? well, perhaps i am uncertain about where my future is taking me, especially in regards to my life in service. perhaps, i am uncertain of my value to those men who i gratefully call my sponsees. or perhaps i have no clue and i just need to acknowledge it and move on. i do have value, to myself and to everyone in my life. i am willing to let go of my expectations and stop trying to plot my next move in service as if i was engaged in some sort of chess game. most of all, what i think i need right now is to gratefully look at what the past has provided for me, a new manner of living that keeps me looking to the her and now. so i have one more task to do for my service this maoning then it will be time to get excited about a new project. lif is good in recovery today.

∞ DT ∞