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to find a way to live with my regrets is no longer an acceptable manner in which to live. across the course of the past thirteen months or so, as i have come to terms with the “living” i missed because of my skewed belief structure, i am beginning to see that pining about what “was not,” does not make me any happier about the “what is.” instead of living with my regrets, i am discovering that i can let them go and do the NEEDFUL to keep from making any new ones, regrets that is.
these days, i have a huge object lesson about what limiting myself may bring. it would be nice to say that just for today, i NEVER regret any of what i do or do not do, in the here and now. that is far from the truth and i deal with my mistakes and faux pas, by looking at them as one more opportunity to glean a bit more knowledge about how to live. i look at others choose to live and how they attempt to rationalize their way into a lifestyle that is not to their liking, all the while playing the martyr card. “i was made this way,” i hear them exclaim, “so there is really nothing i can do but accept this as my reality.”
i see their point and i can fall into the same sort of regime of not doing because it seems as if it is the easier and softer way. more importantly i have the perfect excuse to do so. that was not a fact i accepted when i finally came to recovery, even though i believe i will always be an addict. if i chose to walk down that path, well i might as well use, after all, i am only an addict. i CHOOSE to live each day, in an active program of recovery, BECAUSE i am an addict and need daily therapy to walk the streets clean and relatively sane. i CHOOSE to exercise my body on a daily basis, because i want to look back twenty years from now and say, at least i did everything in my power to stay healthy and fit.
i understand that i am no longer responsible for my poor choices in the past and regardless of those consequences, i need to get over my “bad” self and be okay with what i have in the here and now. for those who do not know i did not start off my fitness program with miles and miles, every day. in fact i could barely hike three miles way back when and i my first fitness goal was five thousand steps per day. in about 100 days or so, i will be bumping my main fitness goal up to sixteen thousand steps per day. minute by minute, i attempt to live a life without regrets and when i happen to get on the morose train and dwell in the “what could have been” i need to remind myself that my past is just that, passed. i can get off that train at any station and come back to living the best possible life i have now. just for today.

∞ DT ∞