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one might say that this is fueling my resistance to the change that is being forced down my throat. in fact, part of my prayer routine this morning, asked the POWER that fuels my recovery, to help me open-minded and kind when i read the e-mail that will be coming my way. i have already stepped out of that mode and have plans to derail the whole process if i think that it is being manipulated. once again, contempt prior to investigation is coloring my world. i need some miles under my belt to let of of what i expect to happen, based on the history of this mess, up to now and see what is actually being brought forward through the force of someone else's self-will.
in my personal life, the past year has piled so much change upon me, that at times i feel i cannot breathe. from the explosion of the lie that was my life, to getting a challenging job, and the death of my Dad, it is no wonder that i am resistant to any change at all. i just want it to stop. silly me, i know that there is no finger big enough nor strong enough to hold change from crashing through the dike. as a compromise, this morning, i am letting go of what i believe and allowing a new idea or three to take hold, in the desert of my closed mind. perhaps all my expectations of the worst thing that can happen, will not come about and i will say to myself, “boy, am i glad i wasted so much time and energy, spinning about this!” 😝

∞ DT ∞