Blog entry for:

is at the core of my addiction. day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, as i live a program of recovery and do my best to practice these principles in all of my affairs, do i begin to learn with others in the real world. this is where i can go down the path of self-deprecation and mea culpas, looking for the perfect justification for the next selfish, self-obsessive act i commit. today, however, that was not what bubbled up from the depths and popped off the stack. what i heard, as i quietly sat, far earlier than was my intention, was getting myself in better shape for my interview this afternoon. i have so many irons in the fire, i am no longer sure, what i “need” to be able to speak to, but IF i do a bit of coding and get out of the house for a few hours, i may actually be ready for what may come.
i also “heard” a bit of desperation and worry about how my job hunt is going. i may not be starving yet, but it is starting to look a bit more grim. what i really hate, is the two good interviews i had last week, produced zero results. not a peep, one way or another and that of course triggers one of two responses from me. the first is that i am not worth getting an answer. the second is don't they know who the fVck i and who the fVck are they to treat me with so much disrespect. neither one is exactly living in spiritual principles and certainly a deep dive into self-obsession. where i ended up, after rearranging the snow around my home, was that I AM worth getting an answer and they are not showing me any more disrespect than they are showing any other candidates for the position. so i as i totter off to the shower, to get ready to face this day, outside of the house, i can take a minute to be grateful, that i have what i need today. i can gratefully acknowledge that i am still getting calls and i have yet another interview today. i can also be okay with how things are going, just for today and realize that perhaps the right opportunity has yet to land in my inbox.

∞ DT ∞