Blog entry for:

removing the hold of the chronic self-centeredness of addiction is certainly an admirable goal for this recovering addict. as many of you know or can surmise, i choose my words carefully, especially when i post this as a voice in the wilderness, not know who if anyone will stumble upon this and read it. part of how i live today is all about carrying the principles of recovery into my daily life. i may be far from perfect and i will not dilute that statement with a “but.” i am fond of saying that i “live a program of active recovery.” i GET to see how honest that statement is, at the end of each day, when i settle down and review my day through the lens of the very same principles i ascribe to live by. as a person who spent decades living in self-centered denial, i know how easy it is for me to slip back into a state of delusion about how well i may or may not be doing. case in point, i am not applying myself at work hard enough. i am doing just enough to “get by,” and it is eating my lunch, as the saying goes.
as i attempted to sit quietly and feel what was going on inside and around me, i noticed that i could not do so, until the very end of the time i allow myself to sit each and every morning. work, politics, Twitter, and just a general sense of unease permeated the space i was trying to create and when that happens i have to peek at what may be the cause. i have not stopped doing any of the parts of my day that i consider essential to my recovery, so perhaps what i am telling myself is that i need to step up my game, in all areas of my life. perhaps, just “getting by,” is no longer good enough and i need to look for the ways and means to thrive, once again. certainly food for thought. 🤔
what i did feel, when i finally let the noise and grunge that was distracting me go, was a sense of well-being and certainty. well-being in that i have found the next right thing for me to do and for all the correct reasons ⇛ living another day in recovery, because the world pays a much smaller price when i do so. the certainty i feel is that as i reflect over the course of my life and my recovery, i can see that i am becoming someone i can respect, esteem and yes love. i no longer feel the need to hide in the shadows even though i have the desire to do so, from time to time. as i feel more complete and allow myself to be more genuine, i am sure that the desire to be out and about, as myself, will continue to grow and the desire to skulk in the shadows will be diminished. i have FAITH that the program will provide me all i need through whatever grace the POWER that fuels my recovery provides me the opportunity to embrace, just for today.

∞ DT ∞