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do i always do the right thing for the right reason when faced with a dilemma? the simple answer is no, but i could go on and on about how hard i try. it is true that i understand what it means to be selfless and to serve others, hence selfless service, but understanding for me does not always translate into action. as a recovering addict who happens to suffer from the human condition, i often fall back on the behaviors that protected me in active addiction when dealing with others. sometimes i do things because i want to look good in the eyes of others, other times i do them just to please someone else. both of these behaviors, while accomplishing the goal of service, speak to my spiritual fitness at that moment and calling a spade a spade, both are shortcoming arising out of the character defect of low self-esteem.
that does not mean that i have no recovery, nor does it mean that i have yet to give my character defects to the power they truly belong to, it just means that i have more work to do.
i am getting better as long as i recognize what i am doing and strive to change those things i can. and for me that is enough.
∞ DT ∞