Blog entry for:

i will do my best to do the right thing for the right reason.
entitlement and making excuses for what is not real is not goodwill, and the behemoth in the set behind me, reminds me of what i can do. it is NOT her height that is the issue with the allowing me to put my seat back, but her lack of concern for others. me, well i could have moved but decided to sit where i am and whine about awful and clueless some people are. after all, i am entitled to behave as badly as others!
so after that diversion into self-obsession, i can see that i have some readjusting of my spiritual lens to accomplish by the time i arrive at work this morning.
which, quite naturally, sort of, brings me around to the topic of goodwill. as i listened quietly for the few minutes i managed to squeeze out this morning, what i heard was entitlement, self-obsession and self-will are the spiritual opposite of practicing goodwill. when i am there, i do know how to do the right thing for the right reason, and in times like this morning? well i have more than enough clues as to how i am feelings and what i may need to do, to return to that spiritual plane, i strive to reach. can i forgive myself for back-sliding into self-will? YES, i can, here it come, wait for it, after all, i am only human and an addict to boot. nice work when you can get it! as true as that last statement is, it really does not provide me an excuse for bad behavior, yes, it allows me to forgive myself and stop any shame i may attach for having the thoughts that i have, it also allows me to strive to be better, because of the fact i am a human, recovering addict not despite it.
when i was in active addiction i was an excuse factory, and i saw nothing wrong, after all i am 6 feet tall! as quickly as the realization that i was behaving badly sank in, i could dismiss, divert and otherwise distract myself for the3 real issue at hand, namely the behavior and how it made me feel. alas, recovery, does not provide me that same freedom, if i am living a program. I AM responsible for each and every choice i make. I AM responsible for each and every consequence that arise from those choices, GOOD or BAD! most importantly I AM responsible to walk a path towards greater enlightenment and not towards the spiritual coma of active addiction. all of that may sound like a heavy burden and one that only some sort of guru or saint can actually carry. that might be true, but it is certainly an ideal that i can seek to move towards, in the here and now.
goodwill? yes i can practice some. RESPONSIBILITY? that too, can be a part of my conscious decision-making process today. carrying a resentment because someone wants to behave just like me? well, i do not have the energy, time to waste on that effort, there are bigger fish to catch as the old bromide goes.
so time to read the news of the world and get a bit more centered before arriving at my next destination.

∞ DT ∞