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and forgiveness, are certainly up there when it comes to how i expect others to treat me. when it comes to how i treat them, not so much. i can say that as i work to respecting others, sincerely asking for them to do this or that for me and actually expressing gratitude for what they do, instead of fulfilling some social convention, i expect others to do the same. much to my continuing chagrin, this seems to be hardly the case. last night i was told that i need to “deal with” a task that someone else did not want to do, because i needed to “pitch in.” needless to say, i got a bit hot and had to apologize for losing my temper. although i cannot expect an apology for the disrespect is was shown, it would be a nice gesture, however , some people will never “get it.”
it is certainly true that i do not like being told what i “need” to do. as a result of knowing that as fact, i do my best not to tell others what they need to do. my admonitions to those in my life that they need to step up and make more of an effort, fall on deaf ears, 99% of the time. when someone decides that their life consists of TV and gaming on their tablet, there really is nothing i can do. when they insist they cannot do something, because someone else will do it for them, all i can do is roll my eyes and sigh. the fact of the matter is that they have people in their life, who choose to enable them and then get all bent out of shape when i do not. dumping the end of a project on me, because i need to “pitch in,” or am not doing “enough” is a common theme from those who flit in and out and are not there on any sort of daily basis. last night, i reached my level of tolerance and exploded. the nice part is that after doing a very extended TENTH STEP, i was able to let it go and bring it into perspective this morning as i sat.
i am clueless to what motives they may have, but i do know that i am the one that gets called, when things go south, because i pay attention and answer my phone, regardless of the time of day, most of the time. will i ever take care of my “assigned task?” maybe, when the burn of being taken for granted wears off. will i ever be satisfied knowing that someone i love would rather be waited on hand and foot, instead of taking care of herself? probably not. as her independence willfully vanishes into the ether, this will only get worse. her trajectory has been unchanged for the past two and a half years, why would i come to believe that she will make any effort to change or put any energy into altering that course? of course, the rule of this game is based on “don't ask, don't tell.” with the completion of the project last night, one of her primary goals has been removed, enabling still less effort on her part to get any stronger. as sad as that may seem, it is a fact of life that her enablers do not see, or if they do, choose to ignore. for me, i will do what i can, slowly detaching as things go south and lowering my expectations. just bbeac=use i choose to take care of myself and do what i need to do, to maintain a life that is worth living, does not mean i can expect anyone else to do so. i know the difference between i cannot and i will not and just for today, i will forgive and do my best to tolerate those whom i love.

∞ DT ∞