โ As i learn to gently accept myself, i can start to view others with the same accepting and tolerant heart. โ
Posted: Sat, Jul 29, 2006 11:40:55 AM
these people, too, are only human, trying to do their best and sometimes falling short.
so exactly what is the big deal if i cannot forgive my human failings, i say to myself after reconsidering the reading this morning. after all, i need to have some standards of behavior and a yardstick to see how well i am living up to my potential. well for this addict, the character defect of self-abuse rises to a new level when i start to look at myself. i am supposed to be getting better, and yet i still have failings, defects and shortcomings. i could throw the standards away and behave exactly as i wish to, with little regard for who and what i hurt in the process. hey, that was the way i walked into recovery and just thinking about reverting back to that state gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. or i can learn to accept that it is not my job to rebuild myself as a human being. my job is to do my step work, participate in my recovery and be a part of this fellowship, allowing the process to work in its own sweet time. but dammit, i want to be perfect NOW! and since that is not possible, i want all those around me to be perfect too. perhaps what does not work overnight for me, will work in an instant for them. and then i start the slide down the slippery slope into the abyss of unmet expectations and resentments -- i might as well use!
so what does the reading suggest for me to do? forgive myself for being human, accept that as long as i am a part of the solution, i will become more than i was, and let others find this for themselves. sounds simple but alas, like most of the other tasks the program suggests on a daily basis it probably is not too easy to do. nevertheless it is a worthy task for today!
so exactly what is the big deal if i cannot forgive my human failings, i say to myself after reconsidering the reading this morning. after all, i need to have some standards of behavior and a yardstick to see how well i am living up to my potential. well for this addict, the character defect of self-abuse rises to a new level when i start to look at myself. i am supposed to be getting better, and yet i still have failings, defects and shortcomings. i could throw the standards away and behave exactly as i wish to, with little regard for who and what i hurt in the process. hey, that was the way i walked into recovery and just thinking about reverting back to that state gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. or i can learn to accept that it is not my job to rebuild myself as a human being. my job is to do my step work, participate in my recovery and be a part of this fellowship, allowing the process to work in its own sweet time. but dammit, i want to be perfect NOW! and since that is not possible, i want all those around me to be perfect too. perhaps what does not work overnight for me, will work in an instant for them. and then i start the slide down the slippery slope into the abyss of unmet expectations and resentments -- i might as well use!
so what does the reading suggest for me to do? forgive myself for being human, accept that as long as i am a part of the solution, i will become more than i was, and let others find this for themselves. sounds simple but alas, like most of the other tasks the program suggests on a daily basis it probably is not too easy to do. nevertheless it is a worthy task for today!
∞ DT ∞