Blog entry for:

and for me today, different is more than i think i can handle. so back to the reading which speaks about the spiritual principles of FAITH, HOPE, PERSEVERENCE and DILIGENCE and how i may just apply them in my life today. i have to have the FAITH that no matter what comes my way, i have been given the tools to cope with the situation and survive the consequences. not that i fell that i am going through terribly troubling times for me. the HOPE for me is that by relying on FAITH that i can stay clean, get through this period in my recovery and continue my spiritual journey. in order to continue to have HOPE, i need to PERSEVERE and do what is in front of me with the attention to detail and due DILIGENCE that my life deserves.
so there you have it, the spiritual mumbo-jumbo that this addict came up with after considering the reading this morning. however, you my faithful readers may be asking yourselves "well dude, that is very nice, but wot the fuck is really going on?"
and my answer to you is that i am increasingly concerned about the direction i seem to be taking, and how that seems to be leading me away from the main stream of my peers and friends in recovery. this had been a very strange week for me, emotionally and spiritually. i find myself increasingly concerned by what is being said to me in confidence and find myself wondering if i have really been that oblivious to what is really happening around me. i kind of feel like i did when my ‘pink cloud’ burst all those days ago in one of my brief stints of abstinence before i got recovery -- raw and runny! nothing seems to fit in place anymore and everything i thought i knew that was going on inside of me and those i am closest to, seems to be wrong. and i find myself wanting to run away from everyone i know in the program and just scream at the top of my lungs about all the insanity that i believe i see, inside and outside of me. so what is this addict going to do today? well, take a quick shower, run to work, do some lawn work, create the dishes i need to our mother’s day shindig tomorrow, call my daily addict and do my best to let go and let GOD sort all the insanity out. after all that is what life is all about anyhow -- doing the footwork and letting the results be decided by the POWER that IS! so off to the showers, with a bit more clarity, definitely some more HOPE and with the strong possibility i can walk in some FAITH today!

∞ DT ∞