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with reality sounds like the name of an soft rock or smooth jazz musical group, at least that was my first impression when i saw this headline. as i read the source material and allowed the message to sink in, i knew that this reading seemed meant for me. i know that sounds more than a bit self-centered, but coming from a person who was so caught up in the fantasy of “what-ifs” and “if onlys,” learning to separate fact from “alternate truths” was quite a daunting task. even after a minute clean, i still stumble over the remnants of cognitive dissonance that once ruled my life. one of the gifts of recovery, is certainly a better grasp on reality.
growing up long before the internet was even thought about outside of science fiction, i was taught and encouraged to think for myself. part of that training was never to take any “fact” at face value and understand that a theory was just that a theory, subject to revision when new facts emerged. ironically the Pythagorean theorem has yet to be disproved, even though it was formulated millennia ago. i understand that seeking alternative explanations for the seemingly random chaos of modern life, may feel comforting, but a belief that the world is flat, to elucidate on of the most outrageous ones, is laughable, given the preponderance of the evidence, that is freely and publicly available from sources outside of the government. although it pales in comparison to some of the notions i had when i first got clean.
i believed, whit my whole being, that i could not be an addict, because the substances i used were considered “non-addicting.” what i have later come to see is that i did not have to use physically addicting substances to be an addict, as it was not what or how much i used that made me an addict. talk about a fVcking wake-up call that shattered all the illusions i had so carefully crafted over the course of my life, especially in active addiction. that was the beginning of the end of my life as a using addict and the start of a journey into the world of recovery. do not misunderstand, i was not “struck clean,” nor did i jump into the recovery process with both feet, once i sensed this part of my belief structure starting to crumble. i resisted change for as long as possible, until the rational side of me saw that my resistance was futile and i had a choice, i could assimilate into a life o=f recovery or i could drown in the misery of mere abstinence. this little exercise if evidence of the choice i make on a daily basis. just for today, i know that what i believe may not match reality and it is my job to align my belief system to match the so-called real world.

∞ DT ∞