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my past is largely resolved and i have a solid foundation on which to build my future. so after a few days of hell. i am having trouble getting motivated to work. the nice part is that i have not been sitting around doing nothing this morning, i have been acting as if i want to work, and doing what i need to be doing.
that is not what i heard when i took the time to listen this morning. what i heard is that although things are going well in my life, there is a reason for that. that reason is because i practice a program of active recovery, step work, service, sponsorship, meetings and on and on. the mix of those various activities varies, but all of them are part of my life on a regular basis. so the choir boy parroting the party line stops here.
i CHOOSE to continue those activities, because i GET relief from the nut that i am. to put it quite simply, before i came to recovery i was a mess. since deciding to do what it takes, i am less of a mess, and if this was a program about ‘not using’ there would be no need for me to do any of that stuff. it has been over a decade since the last time i was a willing participant in altering myself through the use of chemical substances, although one may argue, that i had lost the ability to be willing long before i got clean. be that as it may, recovery has provided me a choice today, where none existed before. that choice? whether or not i will use today, or even right now. since that choice was given to me, by the miracle of a program of recovery, i have found it quite easy to CHOOSE NOT TO USE. as a result of that choice, made day after day, i get a second choice: DO I WANT TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET THAT CHOICE AGAIN TOMORROW? that is where the program of active recovery comes in. although there is no model fro the recovering addict, there is a fellowship-wide agreement in what works, and in my experience is what works is steps, meetings, service and carrying the message. all of that has provided me a life that is more than comfortable, and best of all a person i can stand to be inside of. i am comfortable in my own skin, even when i behave badly, as i know there is a solution for bad behavior, and that is in the program i CHOOSE to work today.
so my laundry is almost done, i have a service call in, i have done the work i need to get done, even though i did not want to do so. so i think i will shower off and see what this day can bring me. life is far too short fo0r me to procrastinate it away, and that is also a gift of recovery.

∞ DT ∞