Blog entry for:

of who i am, is now part of how i live my life, for the most part. once upon a time, not all that long ago, i would never ever been truthful if i said that, as i was hiding who i was under the guise of being afraid to reveal how broken i really was. of course, this was far from conscious choice, as i buried the initial incident and its aftermath into the deepest and darkest places of my being. i did so, so well, that when it was brought up as joke, i even laughed along, even though i was ashamed and humiliated once again. i was so deep in my denial that it was not until my fifth FOURTH STEP, that i finally opened that door and looked what was behind it and what i found was not the grand prize or a new car. what i got, however, was the opportunity to free myself from those chains that bound me for so long.
living as my “true” genuine self is not an easy task for someone who lived life through the eyes of others, or better put what i believed others saw, for as long as i did. the path to freedom did not start on that day and it has yet to be revealed in its entirety to me. nevertheless, i walking the portion i can see and only glancing back when i need to draw from my experience. it is hard to admit to my peers and friends the lie i lived but the nice part is i only have to do it once. admit it, fade the heat and move into the here and now and for the most part that has been what my life has looked like for the past three years. there are still a part or two i keep under wraps, to the world outside of my intimate associates, but that does not affect how i walk through my day.
today, on the holiest of days in all Christendom, i know that like many “religious” holidays, this one is based on a misinterpretation of the calendar and an appropriation of a pagan festival. i know those early Christians did the best with what they had and those who profess to be Christians today, could take a few cues from their predecessors about how to live within GOD's grace. as their numbers decrease and their hold on society diminishes, instead of reveling in the fact they have freedom of religion, they are being shrill as the attempt to force their religious view on those of us who revel in a spiritual, not religious life. i do NOT have to FEAR eternal damnation in order to be kind, loving and tolerant of others, and that is the gift FREEDOM FROM RELIGION give me daily, the choice to behave with respect towards those around me, even if i find their outlook on the world around us, distasteful, just for today.

∞ DT ∞