Blog entry for:

my contributions to the world speak for themselves. once upon a time, not all that long ago, i wanted the world and the fellowship to laud and praise me for every good deed i accomplished in any given day. whether that was serving my fellowship, listening to someone else, as they explained what was going on for them or holding the door open for the person behind me. when i took my sponsor's suggestion to serve in an anonymous manner, i thought the dude was crazy, did he not know who the fuck i was🙻 what actually happen ed, was that he knew exactly who i was and how much of my self-worth and self-esteem was tied up into being acknowledged. i wanted to be the center of every “love fest” and even though i deflected and minimized compliments, that was just me, living in a mode of “false humility.” as i took his suggestion to heart and actually implemented it, i discovered that there was a whole lot more going on under the surface. it took a full round of steps to get to that crap, but these days, i can take a compliment and i am almost embarrassed when i get “caught” doing the next right thing.
today, as i stepped out to get the dawg walked and get some steps, i felt that perhaps, just maybe, i was finally reaching a place where i could be comfortable, doing the next right thing and whether or not anyone saw me doing it, i was okay.
at my home group today, i felt a connection to everyone who was there, from the guy with seventy-one days to the the one with thirty-three years. i know in my heart of hearts that i have landed in the correct fellowship for me. although those other fellowships may work for others, i know for a fact that i would not have been able to foster my recovery there. there is no telling where i would have ended-up, but more the likely it would not be here. i share that because one of of those men at my home group, shared a similar sentiment and was deciding to make the plunge into a single fellowship and the one that has brought me this far. some of what he shared about how weak my fellowship was in my home town struck deeply and i realized that i do not feel like i fit at those meetings. certainly food for thought and something i will have to explore, as the days go by, perhaps when i am in Chicago and i make a meeting there.
it is time however, to post this and get my next task of the day complete, holiday decorations in the front of our house. just for today, i can do all that i need to and even some stuff i do not really have the desire to accomplish, but will do so, anyhow.

∞ DT ∞