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outcomes and am feeling afraid of the future, there is action i can take to reverse that trend. the reading goes on to suggest a brief visit to the 2nd and 3rd steps is in order and i get that. ironically for me, i am in a state of flux about exactly what is the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, and if that will even exists. this is the point that has been hammered home the past few weeks as i step further and further away from the Abrahmic view of the world beyond the mundane. i know this all goes to the transition i am making between Steps 10 and 11. i know that in the long run i will get it all sorted out. i also know that most of the language i now use to accommodate the sensibilities of my peers will be altered, subtly or not, to match my rapidly shifting worldview. as well as how i implement the prayer half of my journey to conscious contact. all of this while true, does nothing to shake the core of my FAITH, that some POWER, much greater than me, is present in my life to tap into and get what i need to stay clean today. the FAITH that i have come to feel does not need revision, nor the fact that without that POWER i would be a street corner junkie. what feels like tectonic shift, is merely a readjustment to the world i am just beginning to see. what i thought was separating me from my peers, actually demonstrates to me, that i am one of them. the most amazing part of this series of revelations, is last night i told a friend, that this is probably one of the stations i have been on a journey towards, ever since the day i finally accepted i was an addict, not some sort of addict, and started my walk into the light of recovery.
so the question becomes, when i feel the need to control outcomes, what can i do? the exact same suggestions as my peers follow. starting with in my view of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is there anything that predetermines me to face suffering, degradation or pain? the answer is of course not. since salvation and damnation, as well as good luck or bad, are labels that i place on events to help me impose some sort of order on an inherently chaotic world, i begin to see, that it is my job to be awake, pay attention and allow myself to sense the direction i need to go, from the seemingly infinite variations that i am presented. there certainly is a creative and intelligent POWER behind all that i sense, and i have FAITH that i can access that POWER to improve myself as well as my life, even if the outcome does not look as i would like it to look.
moving forward, i am hopeful that tomorrow as i sit down and spend some time with my sponsor, i can articulate enough of my vision, that he can provide me the guidance i need to move forward. today whoever, is all about me, the Broncos and some game time LIVE and IN PERSON and i am more than a little psyched to be thinking about how the fVck i am going to stay comfortably warm on this late fall day in the Mile High City. it is a good day to be clean, and yes, as this morning unfolds, more will be revealed.
GO BRONCOS LET's KICK SOME DOLPHIN BUTT!

∞ DT ∞