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you have to keep going to those meetings, is certainly a question i have had to answer more than once to concerned friend and family members, who are not among those in recovery. my answer is often, the tried and true bon mot something along the lines until i have a desire to attend them. as snappy as pithy as that answer may be, the truth ism that every meeting i go to, is because i have the desire to go to it, not out of any obligation or oppressive need to do so. although i used the notion of going of meetings as the seed for this little exercise, what i actually heard as i listened to the void this morning was the notion that i actually have more than a modicum of hope that i can share with those who are in my life.
my trip to Chicago has been a good one for me, even though i did not know most of the folks at Aunt Judy's funeral yesterday. i did, however connect with my cousins and perhaps i will re-establish the sort of relationships we had, when we were kids. i broke my anonymity to one of them, as he had some questions about why i was the way i am and is very concerned about his brother who had a heart attack in late September and has been a bit resistant to living in a healthier manner. as i have discovered in my recovery journey, until someone has the desire to change, it is futile to nag them to make those changes. my Mom never really wanted to be able to get upstairs to her bed and when my siblings moved it downstairs, she started her decline into failure to thrive. the same is true of my cousin, if he has no desire to change how he lives, he will continue to get sicker and experience a declining quality of life. my other cousin, the one that is concerned about his brother, is the one i can provide a bit of hope to. his suggestions that his brother read this or hat, is not going to work, but if he gives his brother his unconditional love and lest him know that he will be there, no matter what, perhaps things may get better. what i gave him was a lifeline to call and puke when he needs to, so that he need not carry the weight of his concern, by himself. whether or not i will hear from him or not, is not relevant, at least he knows.
as i prepare to go home and be with my family for Thanksgiving, i know that i am okay and grateful i had the resources to make this trip. it is true that i have two extra cigars, as that was the cost of entry into the lounge the past two days, but they will not go to waste. i am also glad i chose to say at the hotel, rather than in the basement of my cousin, last night, as i have had time to write this and ease into my day. it is a good day to be clean and hopefully a good day to travel home and enjoy some food and football. for those who may be reading this in the USA, certainly hope your Thanksgiving is a great one. 😁

∞ DT ∞