Blog entry for:

HOPE freely, as in without limits, rather than at no cost, in case one needed a bit of clarification. some of my peers often accuse me of being to dark and serious when i share. i, more often than not, share my view of HOPE through the the dark lenses of adversity and struggle, rather than being all yippy-skippy and acting as if my life is so fVcking perfect. i feel and whether or not my peers see it in the same manner, that sharing the struggles i have in my day-to-day recovery and coming out at the end if another day clean, is certainly more hopeful that sharing about the material possessions, the career advancements and the loving relationships that i have accumulated through my step working journey. sure a newcomer may be impressed about some of that stuff, but i have a feeling they are more interested in wanting to know how i stay clean even when i can think of nothing other than using. i could, however, be mistaken in that notion, and if so, perhaps i need to revisit my take on what i needed way back when i was a newcomer.
listening to the void this morning, what i “heard” was a ocean of calm and not a whole lot of stuff shaking me up. when i got up to start my day, i knew what i wanted to accomplish today and how realistic that to-do list actually was. it is ironic that a year ago, i could not be beat in fantasy football in either league, and this year i am struggling to stay out of last place in one league and holding my breath to maintain my position in the middle of the pack as the end of the season looms. part of what i have to do today, is to pick-up a few players on waivers to fill the holes on my team due to bye weeks. i could obsess about this all day, instead i will breathe, post this little ditty and get the dawg out for a walk. she finally slept the whole night through and it is time to reward her. i am grateful that i have some HOPE today and that my DESIRE to stay clean, just for today, is more than enough to carry me through, yet another day.

∞ DT ∞