Some memes

that worry and shame once had on me, freeing me to live in today. take two, i guess i did not want to go down the path i started. this morning as i am in less than a cheery mood, because of scheduled lab work, i can see the direction i was going was exactly one hundred and eighty degrees from this one. it was going down into the house of pain that is aptly called shame. in fact, this morning, there is not a whole lot going on. i paid my bills, fixed my watch face to show the one i like, fed the dog and am getting ready to hit the streets for a very low and slow workout.
despite what is not happening, i keep circling back to a place where i have the desire to decimate myself over my lack of responsibility to myself and my employer across the last several weeks. the fact is, i have sucked as an employee and the root cause is a spiritual malaise i allowed myself to slip down into. i have no idea why all of a sudden this is right up in my face, but i feel the remorse and the regret for the lost time. what that means is that right here and right now i take care of what is on my plate and move on down the line.
it is nice, every now and again, to actually not hear anything at all, when i practice STEP 11. today, was one of those mornings, as i just took the suggestion of my source material and let go. letting go of what i have nor done, what i might have been and who i am not, is certainly what i am getting as i pound this out. it certainly is enough to get me out and about, into my busy day, so i can come home and get some coffee and food in my gut. life in my skin is okay and taking care of myself is certainly one of my priorities these days, even if it means a bit of discomfort. the rewards are that my medical team will know what is going on with me.

∞ DT ∞