Some memes

the idea that i will be enough has always been something i fronted but never really lived when i was using, in mere abstinence and off and on throughout my recovery journey. when i stumbled upon the notion of being self-sufficient in early recovery, i was confused about how that was not self support. i have come to see that self-sufficiency means that i believe i do not need anything from anyone else. i do not need their knowledge, their experience, their help or anything else they may offer. in my opinion it is a symptom of being selfish. self-support on the other hand is creating and using resources to live my life and reaching out for what i need, when i, alone, am not enough. i work at the cigar store because i like to. because it gets me out of the house and because it give me my own money that is not tied to supporting our household. i run and walk because i do not want to be a burden on my spouse by allowing myself to slip into being less fit and less healthy, and i like the way exercise makes me feel and look.
so the morning has got away from me and that is not a bad thing. i walked and i reconnected with my friend, now i have errands to run and i need to get ready for my little job/ i am glad he decided to reestablish this relationship and i am hoping i can grow into it without putting any sort of expectation on what it is and what i may become. there is a smile on my face and it is not just pasted on, my heart is lighter and i am happy. today was an opening of a door that has been in front of me, but i chose to ignore. just for today i spent an hour with someone i missed and i am more than willing to do so again. he made me laugh, he made me sad but most of all he showed me that we still have something worth saving and changing into what it may be, something more.

∞ DT ∞