Blog entry for:
Sat, Jun 9, 2007 09:45:58 AM
α no matter how old i am, how much my addiction has taken from me, ω
posted: Sat, Jun 9, 2007 09:45:58 AM
or how unlikely it may seem, my freedom from active addiction gives me the freedom to pursue my ambitions.
another looking to the future reading, some days i really wonder if this is a truly just for today program. then after a second of pondering i see no conflict about realizing my lost dreams, or even take steps towards seeing them come true. i do what i can to further my ambitions, trying to stay out of self-will. just because i am living a program just for today does not mean that i should be incapable of doing what it takes to finish my college degree (did that -- graduated at forty-seven years old), purchase a home (did that -- for the second time three months ago), find a soul mate for life (did that too) or find a rewarding career (working on that as we speak). so if a dope fiend who had to use every day in order just to function can achieve these things in the blink of an eye i have been clean, there is hope for anyone else. the problem i have is separating dreams and goals from control and manipulation of situations. that is why i NEED to have the steps and other members in my life. one of the gifts from working a program is that i can actually see hope about where i am going for the first time in quite a long time. the dreams that are starting to be revealed now are way beyond anything i ever thought was possible, and the shape o those dreams are just starting to form in my tiny addict mind.
some stuff i need to remember as these old dreams that i thought were lost forever start to take shape is to live each day as a member of this fellowship, persevere through the things i need to do today to keep my program active and alive, and just be present. when the time to start pursuing my new ambitions are ripe. i will be ready to do the footwork i need to do to realize them. i have come to the conclusion that GOD does not put things on my heart that are beyond my capabilities to achieve. it is my task to listen for that voice and act when i hear it. so yes lost dreams and even dreams that i did not realize i had, can come true, if i do what ever it takes to stay clean just for today. and with that thought the whole contradiction is settled in my mind. recovery is like that some days for me.
another looking to the future reading, some days i really wonder if this is a truly just for today program. then after a second of pondering i see no conflict about realizing my lost dreams, or even take steps towards seeing them come true. i do what i can to further my ambitions, trying to stay out of self-will. just because i am living a program just for today does not mean that i should be incapable of doing what it takes to finish my college degree (did that -- graduated at forty-seven years old), purchase a home (did that -- for the second time three months ago), find a soul mate for life (did that too) or find a rewarding career (working on that as we speak). so if a dope fiend who had to use every day in order just to function can achieve these things in the blink of an eye i have been clean, there is hope for anyone else. the problem i have is separating dreams and goals from control and manipulation of situations. that is why i NEED to have the steps and other members in my life. one of the gifts from working a program is that i can actually see hope about where i am going for the first time in quite a long time. the dreams that are starting to be revealed now are way beyond anything i ever thought was possible, and the shape o those dreams are just starting to form in my tiny addict mind.
some stuff i need to remember as these old dreams that i thought were lost forever start to take shape is to live each day as a member of this fellowship, persevere through the things i need to do today to keep my program active and alive, and just be present. when the time to start pursuing my new ambitions are ripe. i will be ready to do the footwork i need to do to realize them. i have come to the conclusion that GOD does not put things on my heart that are beyond my capabilities to achieve. it is my task to listen for that voice and act when i hear it. so yes lost dreams and even dreams that i did not realize i had, can come true, if i do what ever it takes to stay clean just for today. and with that thought the whole contradiction is settled in my mind. recovery is like that some days for me.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) Thus it is that dignity finds its (firm) root in its (previous)
meanness, and what is lofty finds its stability in the lowness (from
which it rises). Hence princes and kings call themselves 'Orphans,'
'Men of small virtue,' and as 'Carriages without a nave.' Is not this
an acknowledgment that in their considering themselves mean they see
the foundation of their dignity? So it is that in the enumeration
of the different parts of a carriage we do not come on what makes
it answer the ends of a carriage. They do not wish to show themselves
elegant-looking as jade, but (prefer) to be coarse-looking as an (ordinary)
stone.