Blog entry for:

two-way street, well DUH! although lately, it seems as if many are talking at me, rather than actually talking to me and expecting me to engage in a conversation. it feels like a bit of a “karmic” response, as in active addiction and through a huge chunk of my recovery, i was the one who was talking at others, rather than talking to, listening and engaging in any sort of meaningful conversation. i was right DAMMIT, and i was going to bend, bully, intimidate or manipulate one to see my point of view, at all costs. there was no happy medium or halfway point, it was my way or the highway. i often wondered why no one wanted to talk to me, in those days. 🤣 of course, now i have an earwig : Everyone's Talking At Me!
as i return to the topic, after writing all about, because, after all, this is all about me, i can see that perhaps, just maybe what feels like being talked at, just may be openings to communication, that i am too self-obsessed to realize. just because i have nine thousand-seven-hundred and sixty-nine days clean, does not mean that i have abandoned the notion that i am the center of the universe. as i pound that last line out, i realize the absurdity of that statement. yes, for where i stand i am the center of the universe that i can perceive, but that universe does not revolve or rotate around me and will continue to exist whether or not i am here to experience it or not,as evidenced by the decades i lived in obtuse attention to the world outside my senses.
this morning, as i face my mortality and the fragile nature of my human existence once more, i can choose to ignore what is happening around me, with draw into my shell, telling myself if i am going to die, anyhow, i might as well go out with a BIG BANG! or perhaps i can accept that until i hear otherwise, things are exactly as i want then to be: my rib is healing, my leg is practically healed up and i am able to maintain my cardio fitness. i have a job, a home, people who love me and actually have the desire to communicate with me. just for today, i think i will encourage them to do just that.

∞ DT ∞