Blog entry for:

of recovery allows me to become the person i have always wanted to be and to consider activities and pursuits, that were once beyond my ken, much less my reach. each year i trip across this reading and always seem to end up at the place of what happens when all my dreams have already been fulfilled? what bubbled up from my underworld as i sat this morning and between my concern about what damage may have been caused by the storm last night, was perhaps it is time to reach for something new. which seems the point i have missed many time before. that being said, i have no idea of what that something “new” may be, but i am open-minded enough to allow those opportunities to become manifest in my life.
as i look at the record of my physical activity, which should make me “proud,” i see that i have not given myself a break in over four months. i have trudged through, rain, wind, sleet, snow and blazing sun, sort of like the postal service motto. the results are amazing to me, but as i take today off from my “intense” cardio workout, i am thinking that i might need to reconsider that decision, after all i did not get to where i am physical fitness-wise, by sitting on my ass. that of course, is obsession kicking in. i know that i have been diligent in my fitness program. i also know that every body needs a day or two off, to recover, refresh and rebuild. just for today, i will do a “light” workout and maybe repeat the same thing tomorrow. yeah, i know not the same as nothing but better than hitting it hard.
one thing i will not slack on this morning, is living my recovery program. sure it would be easy to dismiss the fact i only sat for fifteen minutes this morning and sweep it under the carpet. sure it would be easy to skip my TENTH STEP inventory this evening and it may not affect how well i sleep. sure i could walk through this day in my seemingly default state of being, a pissed-off, self-entitled, selfish jerk and still manage to stay clean another day. that is certainly quite a possibility and a reality that i could slide into with little or no effort. that “Chinese Water Torture” will soon crack the foundation of my life and my recovery will fly out the window, after all, all systems will return to chaos, unless creative energy is used to maintain the current state, entropy is not just for physics today.
i think just for today, i will allow myself the FREEDOM to be a bit kinder to me when it comes to physical activity and make up what i missed spiritually as the day wears on. it is a good day to look for and seize a new possibility.

∞ DT ∞