Blog entry for:

this morning, i FEEL the HOPE in the statement above. oh i mouth that sentiment and always share about how dreams i traded away for the NEEDS of active addiction not only were reawakened but actually came true. i share this all the time, whether or not i feel hopeful or not. it is after all the party line, and i am a team player when it comes to carrying the message. i guess when i get decades clean i will be allowed to be a real a$$hole and dismiss, degrade and disrespect the efforts of my local fellowship in front of the whole world.
moving on, yes i feel the HOPE this morning and one of the reasons is:

Coty B
5 years of one day at a times in a row
AWESOME my friend
it certainly has been an interesting year for you!

for me, this morning i feel hopeful, although nothing has changed that much from yesterday. thinking about the future has always been something i tried to avoid, especially when i was out running and gunning as the old saying goes. in early recovery, one of the assignments i did not get, was to describe what i wanted from life in 6 months, a year, 5 years etc. so i never looked that far ahead, and focused on the just for today that i happened to be living at the time. i seem to be drifting back towards that paradigm of living, focusing on the here and now, and not looking that far ahead. honestly, i have lived out all the dreams i once had and the new ones, which just may be the old ones reawakening are just starting to pierce through into my conscious mind. which is sort of cool,as i know that when i finally see those dreams, i will be able to work on making them come true. it is because i decide to work a program of active recovery, that i will have that ability, not despite my efforts. which is certainly a twist in perspective, i never realized i had.
yes, i can hear the cynic and critic inside, starting to tell me to stop blowing smoke and talk about what is really happening inside. this morning i feel like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i cannot for the life of me figure out why. that cynical critic is demanding that i get to the bottom of this, but as tough as it is, i am resisting looking at why and just moving forward into what is! which is to hop in the shower and scrape off the twenty-four hours of life i have just come through and get ready for the next slice of just for today, i do have stuff to do, gars to smoke and people to spend some time with and all of that requires that i am present for what is happening in the here and now.
my lost dreams, let 'em roll!

∞ DT ∞